“It’s hard for me to enjoy life. The minute that anything pleasant is over and I’m alone, the memories rush back.”

For anyone who has a history of mental issues, there may be cases where you get into relapse. Even if you get all the support in the world, you sometimes can’t help but react awkwardly towards unpleasant situations. I’ve been thinking about this issue from thinking about a central character from one of the more unique shonen manga series for its time, Great Teacher Onizuka. Urumi Kanzaki, the female genius student of GTO, had a high IQ but had a severe case of loneliness to the point where it would drive her to kill herself. Her roughest moments give light to how it never ends for someone with mental instability.

Urumi was a student chosen by central antagonist, Miyabi Aizawa, to get rid of the main character, Onizuka Eikichi. She gets him into a lot of trouble until she discovers how caring he is about his students unlike her previous teacher. Urumi talked about life and how she wasn’t afraid to die, as she felt it was meaningless. Onizuka pulls off an extreme stunt to win her over. Her story didn’t end there as a tense situation between her and Miyabi became disastrous. Urumi says something that pisses off Miyabi and she fired back by revealing a big secret about Urumi to the whole school, which leads the latter to attempt suicide by freezing herself to death in an indoor ski dome. Onizuka rushes to save her and Urumi finally sees that she isn’t alone as she thought.

Urumi’s life revolves around her IQ. She has the perfect combination of being both book-smart and street-smart. However, she has little control of her emotions. Urumi is labeled as a “classroom terrorist” because of her fury against anyone she dislikes, particularly students and teachers. A past incident that led to her bad behavior was caused by a former teacher of her’s who broke her trust. Urumi’s special nature got her depressed as her whole life revolved around the circumstances of her darkest secret.

For someone like Urumi, the fight is constant. Think about people who struggle being different. The majority of those with popular opinions will almost always win and instill pressure on anyone unlike them. Her depression has caused her to not trust many people in her life, but there are lessons to be made about keeping and revealing secrets.

Urumi shared her secret to her middle school teacher because she had no one who understood her, who then revealed it to her class accidentally because Urumi kept showing off her intelligence. Why do we take things for granted and become tempted to ruin that trust? Sometimes, we feel as if the other person has to give something back in return. The teacher in question arguably set some unrealistic expectations about Urumi in that she would slow down. You can’t expect a growing child to turn off a switch that lit up their mindset since day one without teaching them the habit of doing so.

What was unique about Urumi in GTO was that she had to be saved twice compared to all the other students Onizuka rehabilitated. He showed her people that kept going despite terrible pasts in their life and the lesson that she should smile more. Yet she reverts back to her suicidal ways and orchestrates one last scheme to end it all. Urumi expressed her thoughts of how alone she was as a child. Does it feel like seemingly introverted people are infected with a “disease” that creates emptiness? Charisma Carpenter once said that you can feel lonely even if you have friends. 

How often do people feel that way when they hang out with others? You can also look at those that value internet connections as important friendships. Many of them could be shallow. The important thing is to be immersed in life, which Urumi didn’t do. She didn’t have an activity that motivated her for the better. Her life afterwards mostly involved being around Onizuka, which isn’t the best thing. When he was found heavily wounded near the end of the story, Urumi slit her wrists as she proclaimed that she can’t live without him. It’s a bit worrying when someone has to rely on another person completely for strength, isn’t it?

I wonder how many of you are like Urumi or been through her struggle. Loneliness comes, but it also goes away as well. How can we say those words to anyone who feels forever alone?  Maybe it’s not about saying anything, but about lending an ear in a genuine manner. Silence is just as important in situations like this. Any kind of meaningful attention helps.

I’ve experienced how Urumi felt as I once told certain prospective friends about my problems, so that I wouldn’t feel alone. I broke the trust of a close friend many years ago and it left me feeling like shattered glass. I was desperate to make new friends. Some people would say blame the other party for not understanding, but in cases like this, the victim needs to understand that trust doesn’t grow into a tree right away. 

All the plagues in the past? They are nothing compared to the mental plague of loneliness. To be forgotten is truly worse than death.

(c) Manga Therapy – Where Psychology & Manga Meet – Read entire story here.