Continuing where I left off months ago, it’s time to explore the last two volumes of Yuhki Kamatani’s HIRAETH – The End of the Journey. The ending does end with a sense of loss, but it doesn’t mean that we can’t move forward despite of it.

Talk about suicide and suicidal ideation after the jump, so just a warning.

In Volume 2, the trio of Mika, Hibino, and Hani continue their trip towards the underworld, Yomotsu Hirasaka (also known as Yomi), to die. Along the way, they run into a researcher named Chihiro Awashima, who knows about Hibino’s immortality. While she wants to hopefully use the knowledge of immortality to improve the medical world, Chihiro’s also desperate to find a way to save a friend who’s dying of a terminal illness. Chihiro challenges Mika’s way of thinking (her desire to die after losing her best friend) by saying death is absolutely scary. Hibino tries to ignore Chihiro with vague answers about his immortality and once the trio makes an attempt to escape her grasp, Chihiro appears and collapses in front of them. She the admits that she lied about her friend and that she’s the one who is dying – from cancer. Chihiro then cries out in desperation how much she wants to accomplish something meaningful before dying. 

Hibino and Hani do convince Chihiro to accept her impending death and that her life still has meaning even if she doesn’t feel like it. There’s something Hani to Chihiro says that made me think.

“You believe the meaning of human life is to accomplish something before you die. How fascinating. While I thought of nothing but I was letting go…”

I listened to a podcast about this whole chase to find meaning in life. Sure, meaning means more than happiness. But I now wonder if we’re all being gamified to find meaning/purpose or else we’ll never be successful. It feels no different than trying to be a “personal brand” and sacrificing your mental health for it. It’s okay to accept that things can be meaningless; it doesn’t change the fact that there’s still things worth living for in life. Chihiro’s search for immortality felt like she wanted to feel pragmatically useful to someone who may need her because society told her to.

Near the end of Volume 2, Hani mysterious vanishes in front of Mika and Hibino. The think about how their life turned out as a god. They wondered why they decided to hang around Mika and humor her wish to die. Hani then realizes that there’s a cherished memory they long forgot. A flashback of when Hani and Hibino first met happens. It turns out that Hani was the soulmate Hibino was searching for. Hani returns and while the reunion is a happy one, everyone will go their separate ways the closer they get to Yomi.

At the start of Volume 3, Hibino encounters an old man he met a long time ago, which causes him to unlock traumatic memories of the people who died before him. Hibino keeps a notebook of said people’s words for his memory’s sake and now wants to get rid of it as he feels trapped by them. Mika refuses to let Hibino throw everything away. Hani jumps into the conversation via violent fashion as they felt insulted by Hibino’s actions because they strongly feel memories should be treasured.

The focus on memory becomes important as Hibino reveals that he knew about Hani for a long time and the two already met a long time ago in ancient Japan. After being around each other for a few years, Hani ends up having to disappear. Hibino and Hani would make a promise that they would meet again if somehow Hibino ends up losing his immortality. Yet that memory was long forgotten until Hani displayed insecurity over how they will be remembered, which triggered Hibino’s remembrance.

The subject of holding onto painful memories can be a tricky one to navigate. In modern society, there’s often a bunch of victim blaming towards people who can’t seem to move on from losing loved ones. We’re always told to move forward and ignore the grief that comes with such memories. But as HIRAETH shows, if an immortal and a god struggle with grief and despair, why would anyone think humans can do better?

The ending is a bittersweet one. Hani eventually disappears, but is glad Hibino treasured him. Hibino dies right after Hani disappears. Mika is about to join the afterlife with no hesitation to see her best friend who died, but decides to go back to the world of the living after hearing a bird sing. She credits the new memories she made with Hani and Hibino that made her re-think her desire to die. 

The most touching part of the end is when Chihiro re-appears in the final chapter. She tells Mika that Hibino reached out to her to take care of his personal affairs (which were trivial) before his eventual passing. Both Mika and Chihiro laugh over Hibino’s actions. And Mika says one of the most powerful lines regarding loss with a huge smile on her face.

“I’m so weird. I can’t shake how sad I feel, but here I am, laughing.” 

I’m gonna get into something I haven’t really talked about here. 4 years ago, a pet bird of mine died after having him for 12 years. The morning he died, I saw him looking very ill. I left for work and came home to find him dead. I was in a state of disbelief and sadness. I did tell some of my friends about my pet bird’s death and one of them told me to celebrate their life. Although I’m not going to pretend that my pet bird thought like a human, he looked like he had fun while he was alive because he sung quite a lot in loud and happy fashion. I laugh now when I think about the times my bird made me smile with his behaviors.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve been reading up on grief and ways to talk about it without dismissing the subject entirely. One thing that stood out to me was when someone talks about a loved one who passed away, the first thing asked is “What happened to them?” I think people do this because they want to be certain that whatever befell the person who died won’t happen to them. A better thing to say is “Tell me more about them. Tell me how they lived. Tell me what were they liked. Tell me your favorite memories of them.”

There’s a huge collective silence that subtly makes its mark when talking about emotional memories. There’s cases where people might be deemed “too emotional” and put on a “someone to avoid” list. However, if you really want to feel connected to someone, being a bit more emotional than usual is what makes relationships stronger, not weaker.

People going through grief often don’t get a proper chance to talk about the ones they lost with love. There needs to be a better collective response in giving opportunities to them to speak out. Accepting death and all it brings is what really moves us to treasure and move forward in life. At least, that’s what Kamatani is trying to say with HIRAETH and their approach in talking about death.

HIREATH is an amazing manga that talks about a subject rarely talked about in Western culture. It’s uncomfortable to read at times due to so much focus on facing one’s mortality, but the characters make you feel alive and ensure that it’s okay to face it when you have the people you love at your side. And more importantly, accepting the pain of the past can lead to a present and future that you want to fight for and cherish.

To quote a BBC article on the subject of hiraeth (which is a concept in the country of Wales and the source of inspiration for the manga),