I got to read Meiko Hiranishi’s The Girl That Can’t Get a Girlfriend and I will say that this was one of the validating manga I’ve ever read and one of the very few manga works that really describes the various emotions that comes with being in love. While this is a story about queer romance at its core, the themes are relatable to everyone.
The manga is an autobiographical memoir of the mangaka’s experience with her first love. Meiko describes herself as a butch lesbian otaku with a crippling lack of self-worth. The manga goes through Meiko’s struggles to find a girlfriend until one summer in her college years, she goes to Japan and meets a love interest named Ash. They begin to date much to Meiko’s happiness. However, their relationship lasted only a month due to a misunderstanding over their potential long-term future together. Meiko goes through 4 years of depression over Ash and the manga chronicles all the pain she felt during that time
in hilarious and depressing fashion.
Meiko talks about how Ash validated her despite the two being very different (i.e. Ash was more femme than butch). She found that refreshing as no one really paid attention to her until Ash came along. I can’t help but think about the 1st person I ever really loved. The two of us spent so much together for years as friends, but the way we acted was more than just friends at times. When Meiko said that she wanted to treasure her time with Ash, I felt the same with the person I crushed on. There’s a part where Meiko sees that Ash was too special and that she felt that no one else would compare and I just cried because I felt the same with my first love.
When that relationship ended, I was trying hard to move on, but it was difficult. I talked about this in length and how we made up. But I never opened up my feelings about her. I eventually did confess and well, they weren’t returned.
Meiko desperately tries to get Ash back into her life, only to find out that she got herself a new partner. Meiko then thinks back with a lot of hatred over things that Ash said and did with a smiling face. She couldn’t fathom that the Ash that moved on completely was the same Ash that told her that she loved her. Right now, I’m processing over what my old friend/love said to me in the past. She was very flirty at the time and even implied something more than just flirting. There was also a time when she told me that she wished we were neighbors, so that we could hang out forever. I felt that she was leading me on. And like Meiko, I wondered why would someone do that if their intention was never to get in a romantic relationship with me in the 1st place. I do think that my love was a bit too one-sided though and Meiko saw that too in her desire to be with Ash.
What’s scary was seeing Meiko try to do her best in life in order to impress Ash again when the time comes. However, all of that was for naught when Meiko notices Ash was single again and tries to hit her up to no response. Meiko tries dating men in order to find a replacement, but nothing serious ever materializes. She says that once you have a taste of love, you try hard to get it because of how good it feels. Such truer words have never been spoken. Of course, as Meiko would explain, being stuck on your ex gets in the way. I think it’s easier to feel miserable at times with regards to love because when you only know instability in your life, it becomes all too comfortable.
The end of the manga is pretty good as Meiko discovers self-compassion after going through a serious health issue. She becomes more likable, finds healthy relationships, takes care of herself better and is realizing her dream of being a manga artist. Meiko doesn’t have a girlfriend and her current life now probably has no room for one, but it’s okay. I think if you’re going to get something out of Meiko’s experiences – it’s that self-compassion really helps wonders. Even though I’m still processing a lot years later, I remember that when I was with the person I loved, I hated myself so much. The separation helped me grow up quite a bit and I don’t get so hard on myself compared to back then. As of right now, I’m giving myself permission to like someone new (if the right person comes along) because I believe I do matter.
Dating does suck. But as Meiko will probably tell you, just because you can’t get a girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband doesn’t mean that you can’t live a life filled with other relationships that make it worth living for yourself.