How many of us who have been through mental health struggles have often said that we feel nothing? How often have we said that we have nothing? What is there for us when it feels like there’s no worth in life?
Kei Urana’s Gachiakuta has one answer to avoid falling into a state of despair.
The story is about a young boy named Rudo Suberec, who finds himself thrown into the deep pit of society, appropriately titled the Pit, after being framed for the murder of his foster father, Regto. In the Pit, Rudo encounters a world filled with trash and monsters that inhabit it. He later discovers a group of superpowered humans (called Givers) known as the Cleaners and helps them out all while trying out to figure out the truth and discovering his own potential as a Cleaner.
In one encounter with a rival Giver (known as a Raider) in Volume 3, Rudo struggles to unlock his power while witnessing the Raider mercilessly attack one of his colleagues. The Raider says the person wasn’t worth anything of value to anyone. This triggers the following flashback of Regto from Rudo.
ALT
ALTA young Rudo once felt that because he was abandoned, he’s deemed worthless because he can’t follow anyone’s instructions. Regto is right in saying if you’re feeling nothing, a major reason why you feel that way is because you don’t have something you like or anything you really want to do.
For me when I had major depression, while I did have friends and hobbies, I still felt nothing at times. They helped a bunch, but I think about what Regto was saying about seeing and experiencing things in the 3rd image. Having a support system and hobbies are great, but it felt like I needed to face reality as well and see it for what it is. Over time, I started to understand what was really important to me. I needed to see other people’s experiences offline and see for myself how they live. Then maybe I’ll end finding something I truly like that would keep me attached to this world beyond material interests.
To me, I found worth in learning about people opening up with their struggles and realizing that positivity wasn’t the total answer to life’s problems. What I really wanted to do was to stop chasing happiness. What I wanted to do was slow down in the face of a fast-paced world that demands so much from us. I felt I hated myself because I couldn’t keep up. I wanted to stop being on social media so much because it was preventing me from seeing the full picture of life.
That’s why I want people with mental health conditions (especially teenagers) to be able to experience things as much as they can. Meet people or a community who can help guide you in a way where you have control of how you want to feel alive and make a real difference in life. Face your past and realize that you can keep the pain of it to a minimum. You are more than just a victim of awful circumstances. Harness your core values.
And more importantly, find a way to describe and express the feelings you have that are driving you to feel empty. Rudo couldn’t put to words what he was feeling, but knew something was off. Regto was able to explain things clearly and this subsequent moment happened below.
ALTThe real worth is being able to express your feelings, good and bad, because that’s when the possibilities to rise from the pit of despair, a la Gachiakuta, happens. And then your inner world will be full of things you will like that are worth living for.