Anime convention season is in full swing and the big summer conventions are coming. With that come reunions, hangouts, and meetings with new people that might be a part of your life.

But what if there was someone you met at a convention and you got close with them? What if the relationship ends, but your common fandom remains, and you don’t want to see them at the same event you’re at?

I ask this after listening to a podcast about a woman who once fell in love with a man in Guatemala, but the relationship ended in heartbreak. She then makes a visit back many years later, but wonders about contacting him or just leaving him be. The woman still felt a strong sense of love towards him. That was the struggle.

6 years ago, I wrote about a post about things that happened at Anime NYC 2017. To sum up real quick, there was someone I loved and we hung out many times at fan conventions. We had a falling out and I didn’t want to see her anymore. We eventually made up and I finally opened up to her about how I felt back in 2022, but I think about how much I didn’t want to be around her at the time.

In the post, I wrote that I had an anxiety attack when I saw her while she didn’t see me. I was so lucky I was with a friend at the time, but I felt just so angry. I didn’t know what to do. At the time, I wanted to quit going to anime conventions because it would mean seeing her. It’s so hard knowing that someone who hurt you/you disliked is sharing a place you find safe. At the same time, this is also their safe space and they have every right to feel so.

Listening to that podcast made me think about those times again because even though I don’t want to see her again, I still love her so much. She’s also been through a lot personally in her life and I can’t help but want to hug her. I find it hard to love someone else romantically. I don’t know how I would react if I saw her at a convention in the near future. I wonder how many of you have had experiences like that with people you had falling outs with.

I remember the year I finally started to make up with that person, I had a friend who had a HUGE falling out with another friend of mine. Both cosplayed together so much. One time, this friend (who I’ll call A) met up with me. She was wondering who I was waiting for. I said I’m waiting for friend B. As soon as she heard B’s name, friend A went goodbye. I was shocked and left wondering what the hell happened between the two. I later found out and it was mostly related to cosplay drama. I don’t know if A and B ever made up as I really don’t talk to either of them anymore. I also did not want to be put into the middle of their dislike of one another.

Though I do realize that we will all dislike someone or be disliked at some point. We all want to be liked because despite what mantras are placed about being independent, we still need the love and support of other people. Yet relationships can be so fragile when you take them for granted. You can do the right things to fix them, but sometimes, it will never go back to what it once was.

And you know what? That’s okay. It’s fine if you’re sad. It’s fine if you’re angry at someone and you can’t forgive them ever again. Just forgive yourself. If something changes your mind about that person, acknowledge it to a certain degree. It doesn’t mean that you should be chummy with them again.

I once thought that if I was in a romantic relationship with the person I was love with, that would be all I needed. But I wouldn’t have changed for the better. And you know, the mutual dislike made me face my own insecurities head-on. While I’ll always feel sadness about the past, I’m moving forward.

I think about these lines at the end of the podcast about lost love in Guatemala and not giving in.

“Then again on my last night in town, I checked into my Airbnb. I looked at the empty room 40 minutes away from him, maybe 45.  Not resisting?

That I was sure I could do, because I’d caved and emailed him before, but with no other reason than to feel the surge of warmth to the sadness that followed when the tide receded.  But I was okay. I didn’t need to hear his voice. What I wasn’t sure that I could do was resist, and to choose my own growth over my easy love for him.

So I chose that instead.”

I found a new community in mahjong and stayed in touch with the current friends I still have and value in my life. I’ve confronting the labels I placed on myself and finding myself in new ways. I will gladly choose those hard paths over the easy love of the past. There’s more kinds of love out there. Love that’s worthy of your time.

I hope you all have the choice to feel the same way I do.